Oh the shame of it

I popped out to the sorting office at lunchtime today with two bags of parcels and 63 Christmas cards to post. Too late for second class – note to self – must be better prepared next year and save myself 30% on the postage…

I had just about come to terms with the additional cost, when the Royal Mail employee uttered the unforgettable words… ‘we’ve no sticky stamps left – just the licky ones.’ The full horror of what was about to befall me was just starting to sink in (having to lick and stick almost 90 stamps), when it got worse. The stamps he gave me were those huge square ones, with a surface area of approximately two and half times that of normal stamps – and they all needed to be licked.

I thought this was as bad as it could get – but no. I looked at the stamps with disbelief. The shame of it. Not Christmas stamps. Oh no. These were ‘let’s celebrate England being in the world cup and let’s remember they won in 1966’ stamps.

So, shamefully, I must admit that I licked, looked at, and stuck every one of those stamps onto the corner of the envelopes containing our Christmas cards.

I apologise now to all of my Scottish friends and family who may be offended receiving such a stamp through the post. But I can assure you that the indignity of having such a stamp fall onto your hall carpet is nothing compared to the pain of having to stick each and every one of them to the envelopes.